Onliness

“I am too alone in the world

but not alone enough 

to make each moment holy.”

                                                             Rilk 

I am too alone in the world——The darkness of isolation is spread over the world.  Many people experience it. We, in Western cultures, have a particularly bitter share of it. Loneliness is epidemic. How many deaths, suicides, personal doubts, and how much social emptiness, originates in cut-off and loneliness? As an old person, I have little doubt, that the quality of my life revolves around the amount of real social contact I have. The echoes of a lonely mind form the headwaters where a lot of painful craziness begins. So, the experience of loneliness is a precursor of mental health, an indicator of social status, and a difficult way to come to terms with being human.

Is it really any wonder that solitary confinement is seen as a form of punishment?  Loneliness eats at the well-being of we social animals. Too many of us have grown used to the undermining effects of loneliness. We are punished by our own lifestyle.

The Universe, like our neighborhoods, feels like a lonely place. There is a fragility, a laDck of confidence, a feeling of being misplaced, that comes with the corrosive silence of being alone.  It is hard to be fully, magnificently human, when one is impaled by involuntary aloneness. This is the way the cold can get colder, the emptiness can grow, and personal life can become hollower. Loneliness is like walking death —it raises the specter of pointlessness.

Loneliness is also part of the human condition. It seems to be a secret part, rarely talked about, and avoided like a bad, and too revealing tattoo. Without some of it, though, inner life is impossible. Strangely, Life which is so dependent on relationship, is also so dependent upon loneliness. Whole realms are revealed thru adequate aloneness. It is clearly a complicated thing.

but not alone enough — —Loneliness can kill, so can the lack of aloneness. One’s spiritual health, as Rilke points out, can be jeopardized, without adequate aloneness. As a disabled person, a shut-in, I have experienced a lot of aloneness, of the isolation variety, and while it is deeply painful, it paved the way for an even more powerful solitude. One of the greater gifts of my illness is how it introduces me to my inner life. Isolation becomes solitude, and I experience life anew. Being alone enough now is a prerequisite. 

Aloneness is a double-edged gift, sometimes involving involuntary hurt, sometimes delivering voluntary awareness. Each time it arises, invited or not, one gets a glimpse of our true nature; connected to a greater whole, and uniquely ourselves. Loneliness is a life-long servant of that awareness.

to make each moment holy ——I find myself differing from Rilke a little here. I don’t think we ever have the power to make any moment holy. Each moment is already holy. With the right amount of solitude, or vigilance, the holiness of any given moment can be perceived. We do have things to do, which can render the holiness of a moment palpable, but that holiness exists whether we are aware of it, or not.

Our own holiness can also be brought to awareness. The light within is always there, and the loneliness of solitude, whether it be formal (as in a sitting practice) or informal (as in a walk in Nature), can reveal a whole other perception of Life.

Loneliness can be luminous.

May yours be so!