Life hurts. Sometimes, that is for the best. Read further, and I’ll tell you why. It is the hardships and pain that traumatize and haunt us. It is those same things that shape us. I consider these difficulties to be initiating wounds. They always bring great difficulties, throwing us into the abyss, and marking us for life. At the same time, they provide access to a dark and formidable kind of awareness. What disables us also enables us. Black holes are at the center of each galaxy.
As my life has proceeded, my relationship with the unexpected hardships of life has changed. Now, I am older, and see things far differently than when I was younger. Looking back, I can now see, that much of what I formerly thought of as tragic, I now consider, great and difficult lessons. I have been mostly formed through what has been messy, traumatic, and confusingly painful. Certainly, this included my stroke, but before that, there were a myriad of heartaches which sensitized me, and sent my life off in directions I wouldn’t have predicted. It was like I was struck by lightening multiple times.
I found the metaphor of the gauntlet gave me a poignant image, that conveyed the initiating and loving quality of this on-going ordeal. In Native American tradition a gauntlet was an initiatory ordeal that helped the brave mature. One ran through all the warriors lined up and striking the initiate with branches. Running the gauntlet insured pain, helping harden and prepare the initiate for the ordeals of life.
It seems, that is exactly what happens in some people’s lives. Life hits us, over and over again, in the most salient ways, lovingly preparing us. The ordeals shape us, sensitizing and preparing us to serve in the most extraordinary ways. I now think that there is a Divine Gauntlet that trips us up, and sets us on the appropriate course. In this way — to be hurt is to be loved. The most difficult parts of life might just be the ones that teach us the most.
What must it take, to deal a painful blow to those you love, and rely on? I have also seen that this isn’t some abusive or sadistic aspect of the projected Divine.
I have learned, not only to weather pain, uncertainty, and hardship, but something equally important — the ability to regulate myself. I don’t mean to put myself down, rather, to hold myself steady in the face of headwinds. It has been the difficulties that have revealed to me my strengths and weaknesses. I have no confidence without hardships. Life has supplied me with plenty of opportunities.
Now, I praise the wisdom, that brought me to my knees over and over again. I consider the painful, difficult, disruptive times in my life to be the most important blessings I’ve received. As the saying goes, “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.” My newfound strength isn’t muscle, it is awareness.
Life loves us enough, so that it runs us through the mud, besmirches us, and strings us so far out, that there is no return. It has been learning this, knowing that one can be this loved, that has made me Lucky. I share this view with you, to make this possibility yours, if you want it. I know life has more tricks up its sleeve than this one, but the Divine Gauntlet is a real one.
May you find your way of being loved by the Divine.
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