Service

There is a way to perform that isn’t about impressing. One can rise above the natural urge to fit in — the need to adhere to loved one’s expectations can become secondary. The project of making a name for yourself, or becoming somebody by virtue of what you do, can give way. With diligence one can free themselves of such selfish and immature impulses — as natural as they may be — by performing a real service. The act of placing someone else’s needs in front of your own is a sure way of discovering new and possible yous.

Service is overlooked as a real way to discover one’s self, and to mature into somebody. We have what are called the ‘armed services’ which are ostensibly about serving our country, but that form of service ignores the fact that maturity and presence are essential in all of our important relationships. Serving an other, particularly someone who isn’t easy to serve, does more to grow character than anything else. When service becomes something that is both an inside and outside activity, instead of just a way of focusing on another, then the benefit is universal – it helps everyone.

Service is often seen as heroic, like going out of one’s way to help someone. In this way it is optional. Instead, real service is a more complex story. In early life it is a way to show goodness and tame the desire to fit in, to be somebody. Later, toward middle age, it is a way of being masterful, and benefiting a loved one. But, late in life, it can become something far more precious, and beneficial to all. It reflects a general consciousness of connection — of being part of something larger. Service then is being armed with compassion and the sure knowledge of relatedness.

Service is one of those phenomena, like love, that grows as one ages. It becomes something else. Awareness and experience carry it into more nuanced realms. The love of self and the love of the other begin to merge. After decades, suddenly becoming fully human looks and feels different! Now the equation isn’t complete without boundaries becoming connections!

As a radically disabled person, I have been forced into an intimate relationship with service. I’ve known the bane of being thought of as a thing that needed attention, like a plant, and the ecstasy of serving by being myself. I don’t think I have to tell you which is preferable. However, the objectification of the needy is far more prevalent. Being served prejudicially, is like being treated to a de-humanizing bath. Ageing, and experience, have shown me that apologizing for being a wreck, and needing help, isn’t enough.

All of that humiliation, all of that being treated like a defect, brought out of me an awareness that I think is quite rare. I serve because I do ask for help, and I think it builds community. I serve by virtue of knowing that being broken is a valuable aspect of being human. I serve by being unexpected, by being proud of being educated by darkness, by not wanting anything different, by being of service to those who do not know the privilege of being disabled. I serve because I am.

There is a lot to be said about service. For instance, it is a sure way of learning about yourself. Service is a much bigger deal than we humans generally think it is. We, who are elders, who are broken down, have the capacity to let everybody in on this well-kept secret. All we have to do is ask — ourselves, and each other, for the help all of us need. In so doing, we are affirming one of our most human characteristics —the strength and beauty of our mutual dependency on each other.