Doddergasm

 

My birthday is coming up in a few days. I’ll be 74. I decided to do something special for myself this year. So, I’m making a birthday wish. This one is just for me. I wish that when I’m old enough to be a doddering fool, I’ll still have some erotic impulses. I like being juicy. I want to stay that way. I have been Lucky enough to experience the joy of being immersed in the great Spasm of orgasm. It has introduced me, from early on, to the mysteries of Life. Each time, I am blessed to feel a full-bodied connection with the Divine. My wish is that I always feel that connection viscerally, and celebrate it all the way through my old age.

 

I cry when I come. At first, I was mystified by this occurrence. Embarrassed even. But that passed as it kept happening, and I came (so to speak) to know better what I was experiencing. At the moment when everything goes beyond my control, it feels like I fall into an ocean of grief. It is a strange kind of grief, painful like you would expect, but laced with a form of hilarity. Sometimes amongst the sobs, there are moments of great exultation, like I am getting away with something precious. The sobbing wracks my body, sometimes going on for as long as 15 minutes. My sweetie has enough sense to just hold me. When it is over, I am wrung out, relaxed, and always bewildered. I have no idea, other than the softening of my soul, of what is happening.

 

I want some version of it to continue. There is something humbling, and deeply blessing, about having such a moving experience, that one is not in control of. I know I’m headed toward the barn, and after that, to the graveyard. Maybe this experience will evolve with me. I hope so. In the meantime, my birthday wish is that I develop the erotic chops that will allow me to keep playing in this field.

 

I expect that aging is going to further change me. If I don’t die, before reaching really old age, I would love to be capable of being part of the erotic nature of the Universe. It keeps on creating! I am so impressed, and humbled, by the generativity of what made us. I’d like to participate in that amorousness. Maybe I already do! I don’t know.

 

All I do know is that I would like to keep myself in the flow, aroused by the incredible, and dazed by life springing forth. Getting old is getting closer to the source. Some kind of dizzying delight is hopefully on my path.

I’ve always been a little bit shy about my erotic preoccupation. But, just like the book about aging and wearing purple, I’ve come to not be so sensitive about what others may think. That has freed me to be as exactly as horny for Mystery as I am. What a relief. I can now talk about my sense, that sexual desire lies on the same continuum as spiritual longing. Sometimes, I would submit, they coincide. Happy

is the day that happens!

 

Anyway, what I am wishing for myself this year is that I discover that the fountain of youth lies inside me, in the most devoted of places. A doddergasm may take a long time, may only come once, or be totally decimating, but it will move me a little closer to the Mystery that animates us all. At least, that is what I’m wishing for myself.

 

Happy Birthday Lucky one!