Loss

“Honesty is not the revealing of some foundational truth

 that gives us power over life, or another, or even the self,

 but a robust incarnation into the unknown unfolding vulnerability of existence, 

where we acknowledge how powerless we feel, how little we actually know, 

how afraid we are of not knowing, and how astonished we are 

by the generous measure of loss 

that is conferred upon even the most average life.”    David Whyte

Life asks so much of we humans. Most of it isn’t obvious. But losing is. The ‘generous measure’ seems to fall on us all. The quality of our response to loss ultimately determines the quality of our lives. Tragedy, pathology, heartbreak, disability, violence, death. There are so many ways to experience loss. Some seem like they are indicators of a careless deity, and others, random acts. Each sears into us our unique and totally idiosyncratic character. Loss generates something mysterious. It conveys to us who and what we are. It is the “ask” of Life that centers us in the evolutionary process.

 

Loss is perhaps the most paradoxical gift of all. It shapes us, turning each of us into someone touched, sensitized, directed, disillusioned, empowered and freed. There is a wild ache in the world. Each of us is exposed to it, shaped by it, and sometimes grief-struck. It is part of the way Life christens and certifies us — we are human to the core.

 

Loss is the way gain comes about. The two are linked in some unknown grief-saturated way. Alchemy holds no mystery compared to these two’s relationship. The light shines brightest upon the ground prepared by the darkness of grief and loss. Shoots of newness, and resounding beauty, bear the scars of what has been and now is let go of. Loss opens the way for the new.

 

We live in a human-defined world where loss is primarily seen as tragedy. There are many who labor under the weight of shallowly perceived loss, who cannot imagine the gift they received wrapped in grief. The greatest tragedy is when loss is perceived inaccurately. It still hurts — but it is a strange, seldom-welcome kind of fertility. The Universe has come calling, bringing with it, ineffable possibility.

 

Each of us has to come to terms with what is given to us. Sometimes what looks like a curse is a gift. There is no way of telling in advance. Providence seems to match loss to us very carefully, but we humans don’t get to know about this justice. All we have is this kind of wondering and awe.