The Other

The other is a whole lot more than the desirable stranger, the consistently troublesome, triggering one, the errant relative, or the one who turns us into manic puddles of desire. He, or she, drives us mad, arouses violent impulses, and brings craziness to life right before us. Others, populate our crippled world, and frustrate our efforts at living freely. They make us forget ourselves in a host of ways. And, they serve, by always providing us, with someone else to blame. They seem to be a perfect foil, an unerring mirror, which reflects back to us our true relationship with ourselves.

The difficult truth is that the other is inside. Few of us really know ourselves that well. Inside is where stranger becomes strangeness, and discomfort graduates to intolerance. The other is the gift that keeps on giving, in ways that are vastly under appreciated.

This different one seems to be hanging around everywhere. Sometimes, he, or she, morphs from friend into irritation. The other is always there doing the dirty job of being projected trouble, or relief. If only the other would grow up, be less deluded, or enlightened. I mean, whoa, I’m so cool, I’m just waiting for all of you others to notice! Hurry up, and don’t be so insensitive! I am somebody else’s other, and you know what, I can’t even be me, when they are about. Not without effort anyway.

The world is populated with this irritating, and sometimes intriguing, other. Everywhere one goes — even within — there is this alien getting in the way. One would think, there is some kind of conspiracy going on. Others are everywhere. Humanity is worth saving, if it only didn’t come, with others —those who look human, but obviously are not.

Somehow, part of the task of the time, is to find a way to live with all these differences. That is obvious, and un-obvious, all at once. Here’s what I mean. Staring into the world helps identify all of the weirdness about, and generally raises alarm, and generates a host of strategies for limiting contact and trying to manage one’s exposure. This is the usual social dance that leads us into a balkanized, ghetto-strewn, isolated, prejudiced and marginalizing world. This is a result of the obvious.

The un-obvious part is that the one holds the key within. Depth is being called for. Not the depth promoted by a spiritual or psychological practice (although these sometimes help), but the depth of putting down roots deep into the mystery of the self. This is a strange land all its own. The deeper you go, the less one knows. In fact it is at the point of growing a familiarity with indeterminancy (a healthy “not knowing” of one’s self) where the relationship with all other things opens up. The un-obvious part is what is not-known poorly. Getting savvy enough to enjoy “othering” means abandoning believing there is a right way to be.

Of course that is easier said then done. Even if one stumbles upon the un-obvious, and recognizes it, there is still the matter of growing comfortable within one’s own skin. This takes time, and lots of raggedy, sometimes-painful experiences.

When maturity sets in, then a strange thing happens. Through transforming the self, the other gets transformed. The intruder suddenly becomes the introducer. Another level of reality, a more complex one that is paradoxically simpler, is brought into view. The other is a work of art specifically, and impossibly, designed to increase one’s awareness. Miracles are unfolding in extraordinarily ordinary ways. The littlest thing has a life of its own.

The other is always masquerading around, pretending in very real way, to be the one who impedes, while being the one who instructs. Life uses aspects of our wholeness to introduce us to our diversity. Paradoxically, a deeper integration happens when we split up into an infinite number of pieces. Each of them, the others within, and the others without, are tickets to our place in a greater wholeness.

The emotional reaction that one often has, when realizing the presence of an other, is as much excitement of return, as it is anxiety about hardships to come.