Awe-kward Falls

 I fell yesterday. It wasn’t a bad fall, no part of me was broken, but something familiar and debilitating happened. I want to explore the sensations that accompany such a loss. A fall, no matter how bad, carries with it a great vulnerability, a humiliation, that puts our humanity in a perspective that cannot be forgotten. Falling is a kind of human birthright that no one talks about, and most everyone experiences. It is a most awesome loss, which underscores the gravity-defying nature of our kind, and the brittleness of that nature. All in all — it is a recipe for a moment of deep circumspection.

 

Falling is the sixth leading cause of death. It is often the precursor of even worse conditions, such as MS, brain tumors, aging or other forms of major course changes. In my case, it is the left-over sign of a brain syndrome which took away my balance, amongst many other things. It is a constant uncertainty I have to live with. Falling has become a punctuation mark in my life.

 

The essence of this experience is that it restores awareness of how fragile everything is, and how quickly everything is passing. There is no reminder of impermanence quite like this one. Falling not only underscores the existential situation we are all in, but it makes clear that no one is beyond it. The way such a fall brings home the personal and makes it clear is incredibly powerful. Suddenly the grave and gravity become linked, vivid and omnipresent. Falling is sobering — a chilling shadow of one’s mortality passes through.

 

I thought it interesting to put awe-kward together with the fragility of falling. Awe is something nearly everyone wants to experience, yet this kind of awe, which reminds us of how large and mighty the world is, and how small and vulnerable we are, is not the experience of awe that we all are seeking. Awe lifts us up, so does falling, but not in the straight-line way most people think. Falling lifts one up, as it knocks one down. Suddenly, perspective clears from the fog of everyday life, revealing the awesome gift that has been bestowed on each of us.  Lucidity breaks through.

 

The heart is broken open with a good fall. When that happens, connection prevails. Falling is a great tenderizer.  It underscores the great tenderness of Life. The family of mankind becomes perceptible. Brokenness is wholeness in some paradoxical way, and the light shines through. Ward is an old English word, it used to mean protect. I was taken with its presence here. Falling restores balance, and reveals the form of protection that endures. One must go down, in order to discover what really leads one up. 

 

In the stream of today’s consciousness, a fall is tragic, it can lead to injury, or death. In our isolated world it is a very fearsome thing. Mostly, it’s something to be avoided. But, in a more unenculturated way, it can be a form of spiritual medicine, a fall into a zone of reality that restores perspective, and provides a hard-won lesson. 

 

Falling can be good luck. The attitude of the one falling is what determines. I’m not talking about rigid positivity, it is the will to learn, to let uncertainty deliver you where it may. Falling and flying are really related. Did you know that a baby bird has to fall to learn to fly?  So, do we.