Life Gets Better

Life Gets Better is the title of a book by geriatric social worker Wendy Lustbader. In her forward, she explains that she got the idea for her title while on vacation, taking a bus tour. The tour guide invited everyone to introduce themselves to the whole busload of people. Each person was invited to the front of the bus to use the tour bus microphone to say something about themselves. Through the process she learned that she was the oldest person on the bus. Later, after the bus arrived, she was approached by several of the younger passengers, each of whom expressed to her, how important it was for them to hear her say that Life got better.

She was led to the title of her book — whereas I was introduced to one of the answers to a question that vexed me, and many of the old people I know. What do we pass along to coming generations, and how? It seems to me that old and young alike need to know that Life can, and does, get better. Aging is far more than a death sentence, it is a period in life to bask in the Sun. There are many ways it can get better, but most of us don’t know that that is possible — only an old person can credibly make that claim. Not by talking about it, but by being it. When wrinkles come with joy, they have a delightful impact. On all of us.

Knowing that Life gets better sets a tone of expectancy that paints everything with a special vibrancy. I know I end up anticipating good things. And, just like with my gratitude practice, good things begin showing up. Somehow, expecting Life to go that way, increases the likelihood, and pleasure, I experience, when things happen.

There is a special kind of joy that accompanies this form of knowing. It’s totally experiential. There is no need to convince, persuade or otherwise proselytize anyone. The knowing is evident. The only way to make it available is by living it.

It’s a secret that hides in plain sight, and that reveals itself in plain pleasure.

I spent most of my early life depressed, caught-up in a world of pathological orientation. If life wasn’t perfect, there was something wrong. It almost always turned out to be me. So, imagine my relief, when I got old enough to really get Wendy’s wisdom. Life has its own course, and it tends toward the better — despite any limitations I might bring. A smile came over my soul, and I knew my happiness isn’t a fluke. Now, instead of a tendency toward depression, I have a tendency toward awe.

People need to know how Life becomes something else. Decline can happen, people get lost in pessimism and loss, but right there is the gain, and right there is Life’s wily influence. Knowing that Life uses defeat sometimes to create victory— the incredible outcome— reaffirms possibility, and is deeply reassuring. Life gets better, rarely in the way we expect, but inexorably.

It is too easy to fall prey to cynicism, to be convinced by the deluded chant of scientism, to succumb to our culture’s over-reliance on the material. Much harder to handle, is the simple experience of a life well-lived. That is really what some people have to offer. Life gets better.