Elder Play

“Out beyond ideas

of wrong-doing and right-doing

there is a field,

I’ll meet you there.”

                                                                    Rumi

I was first introduced to this quote and to Rumi in the mid-eighties. At the time I thought the achievement of this kind of, what I thought of as, radical openness, awaited some time of enlightenment. Now, thirty years later, I realize, that it merely awaited the onset of maturity. The old people I meet today have more capacity for inviting out, and enjoying differences, than I ever believed possible. In fact, the inquiry that is behind this SL, is a look at how elder reality is far more playful and inclusive than ever.

Elder Play. The subject doesn’t sound serious. That’s because of the word “play.” The word elder suggests this inquiry might not be too serious either. After all, the subject seems to be related to the downhill side of life. It turns out, that the so-called “down hill” side of life, is where almost all of the ripening takes place.

Old people play bingo and gin rummy, for recreation don’t they? Well, yes and no. You see old people have been up to something, a form of play intrinsic to them, for a long time, without anyone noticing. My eyes, with their baby-boomer predilections, are aware, that old people hang out with each other in a very special way. They do something uniquely natural to them. They play together with their differences.

I almost hesitated to bring this up. Many old folks, perhaps most, don’t even know they are doing it. It is so natural, so inherently instinctual, that most old people do it without any deliberation, intent, or effort. There is an attitude of playfulness that slowly infects old age, and alters their relationship patterns. Now, obviously this tendency doesn’t appear in every old person’s life. There is a difference between the elderly and elders. I’m going to leave it to you to ferret them out, and become clear on your own, about what those differences are (I think this is an exercise in discernment that is sorely needed now). The old could benefit by real scrutiny, that is seeking real differences, instead of the kind of discrimination they usually get.

There is something really important about recognizing what is really going on when old people, especially elders, get together. The freedom that makes elders happy permeates their social engagements. More than just bitching about ailments and physical decline is occurring. They are engaging each other in very special, and largely new way. Together they are discovering their possibilities. In that way, its like childhood play, but these folks aren’t children, like one elder observer puts it, they have achieved “emancipated innocence,” they have a lifetime of experience to bring together, and that sheds a qualitatively different light on their interactions. Besides, by and large, they have escaped commercial pressure, and political correctness, so they are free to relate with each other unencumbered by the need to use each other, or make anybody different.

What occurs is often an undiscussed discussion, a tacit agreement, to inquire together, to listen to each other, to be intrigued by differences, and to enjoy all that is revealed. They seem to know enough, or have such a great appetite that it wants to include everyone, especially the silent. They are mutually unwrapping a gift called Mystery. And, in the process they are enjoying and discovering themselves and each other.

Elders are discovering, as they do this, that being human is far more difficult, and worthy of respect and compassion, then our society imagines. They are growing themselves, and in the process, showing us all, what’s possible. And lastly, and most marvelous of all, is that they are revealing the beauty and integrity of Life. Luckily, for us all, we are meeting there.